Massage from hell...

What is it they say? You get what you paid for?

Well I just paid to have my back pummeled like a slab of cow about to be turned into mince.. and for only $7.5

Im in KL so its a great spot for a stupid cheap massage etc.

I decided to treat myself to a pamper afternoon, a fish spa (little fishies eating the dead skin off your feet), a foot reflexology massage and a back and neck massage. The first two were fine (just quietly the fish spa was pretty awesome, ticklish but awesome!!) but the woman who did my back and neck massage may have killed me...

I normally go to a fabulous Masseuse by the name of Nea, a skinny tall and stupidly strong woman from Nurture Studio in New Farm, She hurts me. But in a good way. She swears at me, but in a good way. She cups my back so it looks like I've been abused by someone holding cement tennis balls, but in a good way.

This woman hurt me, not in the ''nea swore at me and pummeled my back but feck it felt good' kind of way. She hurt me in the 'wholy f*&k shit balls whore my back is not a piece of meat and your hand is not a knife' kind of way.

I was squirming and making noises and even a few times said 'STOP you are hurting me..'

But in the end I had to get up off the table and walk away!

Being the idiot that I am I still offered to pay her half the fee we had agreed on but she kept yelling, 'Miss you lay down, miss no you walk away ' so I said 'YOU HURT ME and I am kind enough to be offering you some money, if you do not take it now I will walk away'. Her response? 'miss you sit down I fix you miss'

So I walked away...

And now my back is so sore, no not sore, bruised. I am on a 14 hr flight tonight and my back is so sore I can even put my back pack on.. this is going to be one hell of a flight.

Merrijig – A regular Hollywood location

So I watched The Man From Snowy river and I’m not sure if I liked it.. The story is cute I guess, but for me the only real appeal was that it was filmed in Merrijig using locals as extras and utilising the fabulous horsemanship the town embodies.

Speaking of the locals, they do love to have a chat about the time the ‘movie people’ came to town. If you manage to get one started they will tell you all about their 15 minutes of fame, the horses that were used, the onset scandals and just about any other little piece of gossip they know!

The story line may have left a lot to be desired but the scenery and horsemanship displayed throughout the film was incredible and inspired me to go on a horse trail.

Laura and Christian from Hidden Trails (www.hiddentrails.com.au/riding) came highly recommended through someone at work so I found myself a riding buddy (thanks Maggz!!) and booked us in.

The day was incredible. The weather had been less than favourable the week prior and that morning we woke up to clear blue skies! Lucky US!!!

Laura and Christian are a fantastic couple. New to the area they have both been involved with horses for a long time and have only recently decided to fire up their own trail rides company. They offer all types of rides, from 2 hr trails to week long trips out into Ned Kelly Country!

Our ride was awesome. Our horses were gorgeous and very well behaved. We did a simpler ride as neither Maggz or I had ridden in quite some time but I think next time will definitely call for a trickier ride! All the same it was fantastic! We had a moment where we crossed a stream and Maggz’s horse lost balance but recovered VERY nicely!

After the ride we had a fabulous little morning tea with

Tim Tams and tea! YUM

All in all it was a perfect day, followed by a BBQ in the spring sun at Will and Maggz place, thats two things in one day.

BOOOYA!!

Things to do...

My 5 months stint in the Victorian High Country was coming to an end at it was high time I got into tourist mode. 5 months of work, 4am treks home through the valley from Changue Road with Sean and Team Sammy, drunken day trips to Mt Buller with Kazz and Mon, cook ups will Will and Maggz, golf and puzzle solving with Fi, late nights drinking pinot noir with Sylvain and Michael and many trips into Melbourne to see Allan left me little time to explore the local area.

With my spare time I got educated. Yep.

I learnt to ski, I learnt to drink red wine, continued to learn to drive and learnt to use crutches for the first time on the snow (but thats a story for another time!).

Excuses aside one week before leaving I found myself cramming in to tick off my list of tourist essential ‘things to do’.

1 – Day trip through King Valley wineries and Millawa cheese

2 – BBQ in the spring sun

3 – Watch ‘The Man from Snowy River’’ and ‘Ned Kelly’.

4 – Go for a horsey ride a’la Man from snowy river

5 – Have a steak at the Hunt Club

So stay tuned, keep an eye out and open your ear holes coz there will be a few stories to follow

xx

Flight ME5FNR to Kuala Lumpur now boarding...

My suitcase is a nightmare. It is currently sitting in the holding cabin of this plane and I’m quite certain that if the customs officials were to find reason to open it they would be amused to see what is inside.

There is sanitiser gel, berocca, 3 types of mosquito repellent and anti-diarrhoea tablets sitting alongside my anti-histamines (for my allergy to the cold) , heat packs and cough lollies. They’d find singlets and shorts, thongs (jandals, pluggers..) and a hat, sitting atop 3 beanies, 3 pairs of gloves, two scarves, a neck warmer and a pair of legwarmers. Next to the bathers and beach appropriate onsey there is a pair of ironed black working pants and a black vest. In the outer section of my suitcase they will find ‘the folder’, full of the paper bits and pieces important enough to take this trip with me, but not essential enough to relax in the comfort of my passport wallet. My resume is in this folder, refreshed, translated and ready to impress. If they searched deeper they would find ‘old faithful’, my Lonely Planet - Europe on a Shoestring, also known as the Bible, a book that I long ago realised was more a friend than a written publication. Old Faithful is still an adolescent at a mere 3 years old but next to the younger and much less used (at this moment in time anyway) ‘Lonely planet – Malaysia, Singapore and Borneo’ she looks tired and worn. Together they represent two vastly different parts of the world, both interesting and captivating, and both pulling on my backpack straps to keep me in their time zone.

If someone were to ask me right now what my plans are for the next few months my answer would be simple. Look in my suitcase. Here they would find indecision in its most unashamed form. Packed for both the heat and the cold, the poverty stricken nations and the abundant nations, the working holiday and the backpacking holiday, the owner of this suitcase clearly has a few ideas where it would like to be and where it would like to go. It is ready for any eventuality and open to every opportunity, but right now all she can think about is lazing on the beach in Penang, sipping on a coconut and getting a massage, and what flavoured Cornish pasty to get at London’s Kings Cross station.

Three words LOW. COST. CARRIER

Three words – Low. Cost. Carrier.

This has been my first experience with Air Asia and I am certain it will not be the last. So we had a 3 hr flight delay, so 40 peoples luggage was left at the Sunny coast airport, so I missed my connection to Penang and had to wait hours for a transit flight.. I could join the hoards of pissed off travellers, the ones threatening to sue, bitching and moaning that they have never had such a bad flight experience in their lives. But seriously people, 3 words; Low Cost Carrier.

What the hell do you expect when you pay less than $250 for a flight that would cost over $500 with any other airline?

And seriously its not that bad, I actually thought the whole thing was quite funny. Watching the check-in staff as they tried to hide the fact that it wasn’t a problem with documentation it was actually a problem with the plane itself. A fact the pilot decided to share with us 5 minutes after boarding, ten minutes before telling us we had to wait for another hour on the tarmac as the problem had not, it seems, yet been resolved. Shit.

Eavesdropping on the 18 yr old girls who were clearly on their first trip overseas stressing over whether to let their parents know about the delay, “Mum did say to call if there were any problems..” Been there.

Listening to the resounding sigh of relief turn to uncertainty as the overhead speaker lady informed us it was now safe (yes she used the word safe) to board the plane.

Joining in the laughter as the captain announced we were ready for take off and locked all the toilets to the shock of a woman in the middle of doing her lady business. Her shriek followed by the laughter of the entire cabin crew was enough to keep me relaxed!

Kuala Lumpur here we come!

ALTERNATIVE MODE OF TRANSPORT

“Louise, call my 12 o’clock, it seems I may be a tad late.” “Damn strike it took me four hours and three buses to get to work this morning.” “Three buses drove past before I could get on one!” “Out of my way I’m late!”

Just some examples of the conversations I was privy to on my rides into work during the infamous Tube strikes in June 2009. I, along with over 3 million others, sought ‘alternative modes of transport’ during the RMT unions’ 48hr strike. For me this meant a three hour bus ride from East London to Oxford Circus, followed by a one hour walk to South Kensington. A far cry from the 30 minute tube ride I usually took.

Call me crazy, but it was actually more enjoyable than I had anticipated. I wouldn’t want to do it everyday, especially at that pace, but seeing London from atop a Big Red Bus made a nice change to the dull and robotic monorail that is the Tube. It made me feel like a tourist again and appreciate the beautiful things about London. Not to mention the walk being a great excuse for a stroll through Hyde Park.

Sure, I was two hours late for work and at the time I was bitching and moaning over a pint down at the local for weeks, but let us be thankful it wasn’t permanent. At least London has a decent bus system that was able to keep the city going, albeit at a slower pace!

Don’t get me wrong, I certainly didn’t agree with the strike. A man who was fired for accidentally opening the doors on a very busy line while the Tube was still running and a RMT employee who stole thousands of pounds from the company certainly didn’t deserve to have their jobs back let alone a strike planned for them. I also firlmy believe the RMT staff are paid VERY well considering we were in the midst of a recession and many tens of thousands of brits were finding it hard to pay for bread, a pay freeze is not the end of the world but apparently enough reason to cause chaos across the entire London transport system. Greedy bastards

I would be all for making the RMT bosses reimburse the estimated 100million pounds the strike has cost London and that they be made to seek ‘alternative modes of transport’ for a year. Really we should be applauding those Tube workers who did show up for work regardless, and we mustn’t forget the incredible bus drivers who worked over time and under intense pressure to help us reach our destinations. I hope at least some of us stopped to thank them over the course of the strike. These are the workers who truly deserve a pay rise and job security.

Next time there is a tube strike (never far on the horizon) let’s all take the chance to live by example, get creative and explore London.

Pack your camera and get out your bike, sports shoes, skates, unicycle or scooter and make the most of your ‘alternative mode of transport’. Trust me, you’ll love it!

BEND ZEE KNEES!!!

Bend Zee KNEES!!

Waking up with pain in muscles I never knew existed and giant bruises is normally a good indication of what I got up to the night before. Recently for me it was an ever so painful reminder of my first attempt at Skiing.

My mum was practically born onto skis and my dad is from one of the most beautiful skiing countries in the world (I am a little biased) and yet I have never ski’d. So part of the reason for moving down here was to get my ski on before trying it out in Europe somewhere. Probably a damn good thing too because its a lot harder than it looks!!

Step 1 – Hire ski gear

Forget skiing, the first thing to learn is how to walk around in the ski boots. Imagine wearing a robotic foot brace in high heels and trying to walk around on snow and ice.. Pair this with about 15 layers of beanies scarves leggings leg warmers socks and ‘thermal’undergarments and you’ll get a pretty good visual idea of what I looked like on my first day. I was a weee bit paranoid about having an allergic reaction while flying halfway down a mountain side, not pretty for anyone involved!

Step 2 – Get to the Snow

Man it is hard to get used to walking in those boots, let alone up and down stairs carrying skis and poles. To get up the mountain I caught two buses and truly TRULY lived up to my unco reputation. 3 falls before I even hit the slopes was not good for my confidence..

Step 3 – Attend a lesson

I think it’s a really good idea for everyone to take a lesson to learn the simple things. Like how to fall without snapping your neck and how to turn without causing an avalanche. The 3 most important things to remember are 1) BEND ZEE KNEES 2) Snow plow (pizza) is good for slowing down and pretty much the only move first time skiers will master until about half way through day 2, and 3) Snow boarders are the devil. My instructor Hans was obviously over the hordes of tourists and less than passionate about his job (fair enough considering the Aussie snow is piss weak compared to the Austrian snow he is used to) but he taught us the ropes none the less. After two hours he deemed us fit to be released onto the slopes un-supervised and off we went...

Step 3 – Test out your new Skillz

I made a little friend in our lesson and he invited me to continue skiing with him and his brothers after the lesson ended. Unfortunately about 15 seconds after pushing off I stacked it and took about 15 minutes to get back up! So my new friend abandoned me which was probably a good thing as I was a nervous wreck!

Step 4 – Master the lifts

Note to self – Ski lifts are EXTREMELY hard to master. Never underestimate the speed and ferocity at which those things travel and if you do happen to fall crawling up into the foetal position and weeping is actually not recommended...

Step 5 – Ski your little hard out and remember to always BEND ZEE KNEES!

On my first day I got so frustrated after repeatedly falling off the lift that I gave up and went home. On my second day I stacked it getting on AND off the first lift (in front of my boss). Apparently five chairs went over my head before I managed to get back up , some kind of record in these parts, albeit not one I am all that proud of..

However it seems that it took one last disastrous fall for me to figure out how to get off properly and I haven’t looked back since! That was until I decided to go down a run that was a bit beyond my ability level, thanks to PEER PRESSURE! Turns out I could have died, spent 20 minutes falling on my arse every 15 metres and lost all the others (except for Mon who waited at the end of the run, although probably more out of fear for her job than actual concern for my safety).

I now know my limits and am thoroughly enjoying gaining a bit more speed and French fry action on every run I do. Next step is learning to snow board and I have a feeling its going to be a very testing day for the instructor who gets stuck with yours truly!