BEND ZEE KNEES!!!

Bend Zee KNEES!!

Waking up with pain in muscles I never knew existed and giant bruises is normally a good indication of what I got up to the night before. Recently for me it was an ever so painful reminder of my first attempt at Skiing.

My mum was practically born onto skis and my dad is from one of the most beautiful skiing countries in the world (I am a little biased) and yet I have never ski’d. So part of the reason for moving down here was to get my ski on before trying it out in Europe somewhere. Probably a damn good thing too because its a lot harder than it looks!!

Step 1 – Hire ski gear

Forget skiing, the first thing to learn is how to walk around in the ski boots. Imagine wearing a robotic foot brace in high heels and trying to walk around on snow and ice.. Pair this with about 15 layers of beanies scarves leggings leg warmers socks and ‘thermal’undergarments and you’ll get a pretty good visual idea of what I looked like on my first day. I was a weee bit paranoid about having an allergic reaction while flying halfway down a mountain side, not pretty for anyone involved!

Step 2 – Get to the Snow

Man it is hard to get used to walking in those boots, let alone up and down stairs carrying skis and poles. To get up the mountain I caught two buses and truly TRULY lived up to my unco reputation. 3 falls before I even hit the slopes was not good for my confidence..

Step 3 – Attend a lesson

I think it’s a really good idea for everyone to take a lesson to learn the simple things. Like how to fall without snapping your neck and how to turn without causing an avalanche. The 3 most important things to remember are 1) BEND ZEE KNEES 2) Snow plow (pizza) is good for slowing down and pretty much the only move first time skiers will master until about half way through day 2, and 3) Snow boarders are the devil. My instructor Hans was obviously over the hordes of tourists and less than passionate about his job (fair enough considering the Aussie snow is piss weak compared to the Austrian snow he is used to) but he taught us the ropes none the less. After two hours he deemed us fit to be released onto the slopes un-supervised and off we went...

Step 3 – Test out your new Skillz

I made a little friend in our lesson and he invited me to continue skiing with him and his brothers after the lesson ended. Unfortunately about 15 seconds after pushing off I stacked it and took about 15 minutes to get back up! So my new friend abandoned me which was probably a good thing as I was a nervous wreck!

Step 4 – Master the lifts

Note to self – Ski lifts are EXTREMELY hard to master. Never underestimate the speed and ferocity at which those things travel and if you do happen to fall crawling up into the foetal position and weeping is actually not recommended...

Step 5 – Ski your little hard out and remember to always BEND ZEE KNEES!

On my first day I got so frustrated after repeatedly falling off the lift that I gave up and went home. On my second day I stacked it getting on AND off the first lift (in front of my boss). Apparently five chairs went over my head before I managed to get back up , some kind of record in these parts, albeit not one I am all that proud of..

However it seems that it took one last disastrous fall for me to figure out how to get off properly and I haven’t looked back since! That was until I decided to go down a run that was a bit beyond my ability level, thanks to PEER PRESSURE! Turns out I could have died, spent 20 minutes falling on my arse every 15 metres and lost all the others (except for Mon who waited at the end of the run, although probably more out of fear for her job than actual concern for my safety).

I now know my limits and am thoroughly enjoying gaining a bit more speed and French fry action on every run I do. Next step is learning to snow board and I have a feeling its going to be a very testing day for the instructor who gets stuck with yours truly!