There are 2 things people go to Amsterdam for;
1) Bike riding along the canals
2) the red light district, and
3) to have a ‘coffee’ at a ‘coffee’ house.
Some on the best spots to do number 3 is in number 2 and if you do want to do number 1 its probably best to avoid doing it after number 3 and avoid doing number 1 in number 2 because it’s just so crowded.
I recently managed to pop up to Amsterdam for a quick weekend away from Luxembourg, not only to have a go at #’s 1-3 but to notch up country #33. Upon arriving I quickly decide to ditch #1 after seeing how crazy the locals are and how hazardous the tourist riders are! After settling into my hostel I walked outside to be treated to a few window displays – seems I was staying right on the edge of the Red Light District. Sweet!
I opted for the 2hr walking tour of the RLD to get acclimated with the city straight away and it was perfect. Our tour guide was 18yr old Tina, the crudest 18yr old I have ever met, perfect for the job. One person was complaining that she was a bit too rude but really if you cannot handle a few sex jokes then you probably should shy away from the Red Light District altogether!! We walked past the oldest bar in Amsterdam, ‘In the Monkey’, named so because of the years when sailors would pay off their tabs with monkeys they had procured on their pirate journeys. We spotted some blue flags and rainbow flags, generally found opposite taped/boarded up buildings that are in fact hard core mens gay S&M clubs.
Apparently UK men account for over 50% of the RLD’s income – quite a substantial amount really!! How it all works is the girls each rent a window in 8 hr time blocks ranging from €60 to €200 depending on location, amenities and the girls ‘stature’. There are alleys with only Scandinavian girls/Latin girls/Russian girls and so forth. A standard ‘suck and f*&@’costs around €20 and lasts 15 minutes not a second longer. Want her to smile? Pay more. Want her to say your name? Pay more. Want her to pretend to be in to it? Pay a lot more. The same ‘service’ from a lady on the Highrollers Street will cost you at least double and you’ll be lucky to walk past an open window, those girls tend to be booked up. Photos are generally not accepted and the girls are known to pretty hard arse about it, cameras have been known to be broken. ..
When the light outside the window is on it means the window is open for business and if the curtain is closed it means come back in 15 minutes. Apparently a few years ago they had an experiment to see if men would be as popular. 4 men rented windows to see if women would hire their services. Unfortunately because of the press attention it was shut down after 30 minutes. However 10 women did get their business done in that time, well done ladies.
Right in the middle of the RLD there is a stunning church, because even hookers are religious. Right? It was originally built so the sailors could repent after a wicked night, or even confess the day before if they were leaving early in the morning. There is also a Christian Hostel right in the centre. Brilliant! Just up the road there is also a fantastic condomerie right down the road, very innovative stuff!
All in all I have to admit I did not once feel unsafe – even walking home at night after a few too many ‘coffees’, I honestly felt safer than I ever did in London. Although I don’t think that even the police could save me from a cranky prostitute.
Speaking of prostitutes, after the RLD tour I decided to go to Resin Cafe just up from my hostel and have a few ‘coffees’. I was at the bar sitting next to a girl and we got to chatting, she was lovely, has a kid, is a local and was kind enough to give me some tips on what to do while in Amsterdam. An hour and a half later when we were talking about work I asked her what she does for a living and she said she worked in the area so I thought nothing more of it! Took me a coffee or two more to realise that she is a famous window worker! Haha so funny, she was hilarious and so genuinely kind, would never have picked her for a hooker! Not bad for the first night in town...
For breakfast the next day I went to another coffee house that sells splifs with your breakfast, only in Amsterdam! I met the most hilarious Kiwi woman, she was so bubbly and happy, and her accent had me in stitches! I met up with her later in the day for a beer, love!
After breakfast I decided to go for another tour, but this time it was the 3hr walking tour. Unfortunately this time round it was shit, the guide sucked and was not at all funny or interesting... I still absorbed some info but she didn’t leave me inspired! No tip for you! We did however get to try some yummmmmmmy Edam cheese and we saw some pretty interesting statues...
I quickly discovered that Amsterdam itself is actually a bike city. As in there are more bikes than people in the city at any one time. Every 6 months the council goes through the city and removes bikes that have been unused for x amount of time and there are bike parking centres all over the place. The Dutch are awesome!
The thinnest house
I also went on a boat trip around the Canals which was much much better! The boat driver was hilarious and spoke about 5 languages, was really informative without being boring and even let me have a drive of the boat! Look out!!
I checked out a great little restaurant just up from the Anne Frank house for dinner and had delicious Pea and Ham soup, a Dutch specialty apparently, not normally a fan but it was pretty tasty!
And for desert it was off to test the famous Bull Dog cafe coffee. The Bull Dog cafes are a chain of coffee/joint houses with quite an extensive menu. The space cake is pretty good and effective as is their ‘coffee’ menu. I spent the night blogging and chatting to another local I met at the bar and the two guys working the bar. They shouted us a few coffees and the three of them showed me to the best waffle house in town after dinner... FUN!
I was lucky enough to find quite a few shops that sold travel patches, much to my delight as I have been missing about 15 badges from my collection. So exciting!! My bags are now covered and I only have one or two spots left before I need to move on to the next bag! SWEEEET
All up Amsterdam was an absolute blast, the clogs, the smokes, the cheese, the whores, the waffles, the bikes. Definitely a memorable trip!!!
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